he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
