Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
