I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
