dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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