Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Randomize
