I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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