True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
