May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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