My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
