Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
