am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
