Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
