The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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