I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
