dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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