I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
