gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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