dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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