Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
