drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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