and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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