You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
