I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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