I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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