she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize