I wish I only lived at night.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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