And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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