Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
false alarm. still invincible.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
