so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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