one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
