i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
