all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
