Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
