the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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