The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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