Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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