i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
