nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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