Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
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Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
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She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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