remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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