kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
