We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
