youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
