Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
