Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
