Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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