Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
