I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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