so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
