Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
wanna go halves on a baby?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We talked him into tasing himself.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Drunk is not a location!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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