Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
