dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
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