i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Someone came in the potted fern
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
