i just google imaged poop.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
