this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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