Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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