its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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