i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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