I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
