we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
