it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
