Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
