2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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