i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
