i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I want to have your abortion
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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