Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
