I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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