Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We are all done wearing pants today
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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