he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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