Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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