she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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