k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
