So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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