Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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