That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize