I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
