He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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