Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
