our cab driver is having phone sex.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
