Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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