So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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