I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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