Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
