She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
