Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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