She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Houston, we have a squirter
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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