I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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